My family came + I melted into a self pitying puddle

Today, a month after arriving, I finally reached the point of just too much city. I'm kind of surprised a moment like it didn't happen sooner. I have reached the point in the past where I needed to close my eyes for a second in the middle of the street to relax for a moment. However, whether it was because I had to say goodbye to my sister and second family as they left Seattle for the weekend or because I really was just fed up with going nearly three weeks without a day at home to just rest and not go anywhere at all, today I'd pretty much just had enough city. I put on my sunglasses and stuck my head phones in my ears (is this why everyone in the city wears sunglasses and listens to music as they walk around?) so at least I couldn't hear the city noise and like a child thought, if they can't see my eyes, they can't see me, right!? And feeling about as invisible as I could on a busy Sunday morning with families around me going to Father's Day brunch, I found a place to sit that wasn't a green grassy park  where I could lay down and look at the clouds but instead the next best thing which was a mini garden of sorts between two buildings with three floors of concrete stairs leading down to the Seattle Great Wheel with the Puget Sound in front of me. I allowed myself to have a mini pity party even as I knew that truly, I had no valid complaints. Life is as great now as it has ever been. I just felt alone when I didn't want to feel alone.

Plus, there was the fact that after an empty house was made a full one for two nights, it wasn't until I got to feel its fullness that I really felt the emptiness in its entirety. And maybe I didn't want to really go back it without my sister. Not once in a month has having a house to myself to live in felt lonely until suddenly I had people in it and people to leave it.

I like this living alone stuff. It's forced me to cut the crap and grow the heck up a little bit here and there. Less dilly dallying, more work and efficiency. It's made me a more streamlined version of myself. Living all alone has been one of the best experiences I've ever had but it takes a certain amount of energy and responsibility, too, to do it all alone. My room is still borderline Hoarders due to my clothes thrown about but I'm on top of my stuff 100%. Life is organized down to the minute during the week. The money I spend is my own and boy is Seattle expensive. My dad in an email recently told me I was on the right track in life and doing it right so as I sat on the steps feeling a little bit sorry for myself, I took another second to remind myself of what I was doing. Starting a new life, if only for four months, is a big deal. At least, it's the biggest thing I've ever done on my own. I can say with complete certainty that moving to Seattle for the summer is one of those choices I made that is going to precede many other big ones to follow that I never would have made without this summer. It's completing me and filling holes I didn't even know needed to be filled. 

But, I miss my family. I miss comfort. For twenty minutes on some stairs in the middle of Seattle today, I missed familiarity. And yet, when I got moving again off those dumb stairs where my pride bit the dust, I looked not at the sky but at those tall, tall buildings and thanked the city for all that it's giving me. Which, really, is everything I've ever wanted. This is my time right now, my time of independence and discovery, even if I wish I had my little sister to watch How I Met Your Mother with me tonight.

*******

weekend pictures! honestly, we were pretty lazy. all weekend.

but sometimes those are the best weekends. target, how i met your mother, 

new swimming suits,

ferry & bus rides, and a lot of good food.

Dear people of seattle,

To the woman at Office Max down the street from my office building who I come to with a list of questions a few times a week about their varying card stock and bulk pens, thank you for your patience but also for saying, "how can i help you now, miss intern?" with a smile. Also, for the way you zip around the store shouting how busy it is and how you wish you had more "you's" to help customers. I want your attitude about life.

To the man on the corner of second and pike with a sign reading "I just want a Big Mac" who has never once done anything more than smile at me and tell me I looked 'radiant', thank you for occasionally making my day. It doesn't matter where the compliment comes from, really, right?

To all three of my bus drivers, without you all I would probably miss my bus at least once a week for leaving just thirty seconds too late and getting stuck behind the school bus. I need to time my departures better on mondays.

To the girl in line behind me at Cafe Ladro almost every day ordering a tall americano just like myself... wanna have coffee together, you know, after work sometime? I really, really love your denim jacket and if I could have anyone's hair, it would be yours. Also, you tip the baristas every time and that's a sign of true human kindness.

To my barista at Cafe Ladro... I really want to be your friend, too. But I also really want you to move back to Montana with me at the end of the summer because I've never had better coffee in my life and the withdrawals I'm going to face are going to be worse than I can even imagine.

To the mother and daughter elderly pair that get on my ferry every Tuesday and Thursday, I kind of want to sit in your living room with you two and crochet or something because your theories about life that begin with, "You know, I've been alive for eighty three years and if you ask me..." are the bees knees.

*****

In a city where for the most part, I am completely anonymous and also on my own in every way, these people that have become regulars in my daily commute and adventures have sort of become routine with everything else. They're all marvelous and interesting characters that round out my Seattle days. And I love them, every single one, to pieces.

Life as a vacation + an adventure with Nicole

I bought a trench coat (on sale at Nordstroms during their half-year sale), I have successfully used every mode of transportation alone in the area venturing as far out by myself as Tacoma, I have my "places" downtown, I am comfortable and adjusted in my job, and for the first time today I didn't look out the window during my entire ferry commute- am I a local yet? Almost? Am I close?

However, life in Seattle feels pretty surreal. As I wandered Pike's Market the second day in a row during work hours (on an errand yesterday and for lunch today) I came to the realization because although I have a job in the city and responsibilities, every single day feels like I'm on vacation if only for the twenty minutes I'm walking through downtown on my way home from work because I realize I'm in Seattle- the place many people, including myself, come to visit. And simultaneously  it has managed to also make me feel at home. After spending three days in Idaho last weekend, I stepped off the light rail into the city and felt relaxed. The city, the people, and the skyscrapers that are the opposite of the rolling hills back home- it was soothing. Every day feels like a challenge as I leap through new hoops and learn new things as I go but I have truly had some of the most "full" days in my life. I'm learning the ropes of an office and understanding the fundamentals behind what makes it work. I'm gaining skills and finding my role. For the first time in so long, I actually feel sort of like I'm living up to and realizing my potential as I accomplish new things. The best part of my entire experience in Seattle, living, working, commuting, and navigating is that I'm doing it alone. And, there's knowing I made this happen for myself. 

I've been too busy to blog and write out all of my adventures for the past few days but without time to document and only time to take pictures, I've sort of had time to absorb the reality that is my life for the next few months. I've taken mental notes of all the things around me and of all the things I want to write down but it's nice coming back to my computer to just sort of feel it sitting heavy in my head. It feels tangible, almost, sitting there in bulk. I feel lucky, and it's a warm contentedness that at the end of the day leaves me excited to wake up and do it again. 

On Monday, my friend Nicole ventured with me to an island near Seattle where we spent the most perfect afternoon drinking coffee in the sun before making pesto pizza together and venturing out into the rain forest to explore. We found ourselves on a strip of beach overlooking North Seattle just as the sun was setting and it was splendid- here we were on a beach where we could see the city and yet it was completely silent. We took pictures and walked around for a solid hour before it got too dark. We sped to the ice cream shop and capped our evening with chocolate peanut butter oreo ice cream. It was a blast and Nicole and I are absolutely soul mates.

when I played "model"

I know that I'm a quasi-personal style blogger, but style blogging is different than being photographed for the purpose of making a nice picture. Personal style blogging = get a good picture that's in focus that shows my clothes. Getting a nice picture = knowing how to pose and make pretty-ish faces and not look awkward. Taking pictures of what I'm wearing is easy. Especially when I'm wearing sunglasses. I stand there and look down at what I'm wearing and that's the end of that. When I was asked to pose and be a subject for a friend of mine that upgraded her camera I was like.... Erm. I'll take photos of YOU? No, no, she insisted. And I agreed with the premise that I could take photos of her for most of our adventure since she really IS a model. She passed along the pictures of me (but I forgot my camera so she is in possession of the ones I took of her and I do not have them) and I actually was half impressed that there were some in the bunch where I might deceive you into thinking that in the rest of the frames my mouth is open and my eyes are crazy. Also, it's been a zillion years since I did post outfit photos so though I'm not a model because I lack the bone structure, height, and pointy shoulders- well, here I am! In clothing! This counts. I'm counting it. It was a fun adventure through the rain forest nonetheless.

Also, I had pizza after this. And we all know models eat pizza.

A really long post about my sunny Saturday in Seattle

My weekend was packed. So packed that I'm just, erm, getting to most of the pictures now. And I still have some! But I'm just going to go with that being a good thing because, you know, that means more than just text posts. Which are fun. But not as fun as seeing the fabulously dressed and wonderful people I know in Seattle plastered on my blog, right? Right.

I got to spend my Saturday morning reuniting with some old friends from high school I haven't seen literally in years. I was half expecting that it might be weird or uncomfortable to get into the swing of the old high school days and yet it was like not a day had passed since we last went to Mexico and scaled buildings together (the latter of which I would not recommend and is one of my favorite memories with this bunch in particular- but that is a story for another day). It was really intriguing and kind of surreal to feel like high school was just yesterday sitting with people that knew me better than anyone a few years back but to realize, too, that each of us had been doing things with our lives and discovering what we were passionate about. Majors declared while some are already finished and onto Law school in Europe, stories upon stories of their travels across the world, and lives that have paralleled and diverged completely from the ones back in Idaho. It was truly fascinating and great to see where everyone has gone and to hear about the people they surround themselves with. It was a joyous morning where I was sort of designated the navigation leader since I actually live here (I do what!?) which was more or less a decent idea but I still managed to screw us up a couple times. We wandered Pike's, ate the largest strawberries I've ever seen that took me eight bites to finish, drank coffee, found a park, and just laughed. It was perfect.

Unfortunately my time with my old friends was interrupted by an appointment and a meeting by which time they were already out of Seattle due to parking fees being tremendously expensive (if you ever come to Seattle, don't drive downtown- take public transportation by all means necessary) and so I then got to meet up once more with my good pal Dillon who has made his appearance on my blog now a few times and a blogger who also recently moved to Seattle of whom we all shared a mutual friend. I knew I was going to be late and Dillon knew he was going to be late (don't make plans with us) but thankfully we ended up beating her to Cherry Street Coffee House and I only mention that we had coffee there because it's where I a) had the best iced chai tea latte of my life b) left my perfect cream cardigan. It's not the end of the world that I left it there but it mostly means buying a new one and since I'm on a tight budget being that Seattle is so expensive and I can't waste money all on clothes, I'm bummed.

I suppose I should also mention that as a coffee shop, Cherry Street Coffee House is really great and is a franchise so if you're ever in the area, I encourage the iced chai tea latte. So far it beats the Starbucks, Cafe Ladro, Pegasus, and Peet's. Yes, I'm making it my mission to find the best coffee and chai in Seattle this summer. My budget is definitely food centered and not clothing centered this summer.

After, the three of us headed to the Seattle Art Museum which marks my first time in a real museum and it was very different from my expectations. First of all, you're allowed to talk in museums. Second, not everything is abstract lines and squares randomly painted that you're supposed to interpret as meaning something by the color and orientation of the lines? There was history from around the world to read about and culture to see in front of your eyes. There was some questionable pieces of art I still don't really understand but there were some I could not stop looking at. In particular, the "vertigo" room in which paintings were supposed to be of texture and hold an optical allusion. My favorite painting that stands out was even a postcard that I'm definitely going back to the shop for because I still want it. We spent a solid couple hours in there and honestly I could have spent longer/want to spend longer (I was the slow person that walked slowly through each room).

Lastly, it was beautiful outside and Dillon nor I were quite ready to leave downtown in all of its sunny glory (cue lots of pasty arms and legs emerging from Northface jackets- Seattle and Missoula have something in common!) but Kayleigh had to commute home so the two of us walked around Seattle for the rest of the early evening/late afternoon. And, um, no big deal or anything but I may have beat a local at knowing where the Olympic Statue Park is downtown and the best place to view the skyline/ferris wheel was. Not that I'm bragging. I knocked another item off my bucket list which included buying flowers from Pike's on a sunny day and very lastly, took pictures in an alley of which Dillon and I had to wait for a man going to the bathroom not twenty yards from the street. I took photos of him because, duh, and although I can't show the (best) worst ones, I was laughing so hard.

It was a great, full day. One of the best days I've had in Seattle because it was so jam packed. I have a step counter on my iPhone and I walked ten miles, TEN miles, at the end of the day not counting the ten I walked on Friday. My life is so good to me right now.

Week Two

I think I have done it. I have figured out the city stare, emotionless but not unfriendly, and the city walk. I'm not sure which took me longer, learning how not to smile at every passerby and not compliment strangers (oh the awkward silences I have endured from complimenting cute dresses and shoes- as I was informed, you don't do that here) or learning to just keep my head down and walk with a purpose even if it means pushing past people clogging up the sidewalks. I think I have cut off minutes from my mile walk to work by simply becoming an aggressive walker. Maybe.

Aside from that, I've also learned a lot about what it means to have a real full time job in an office. Where almost none of the highlighting, skimming, and flash card skills I've obtained in college have been utilized. The real world has none of that. In fact, the real world requires a lot of things I wish I'd learned instead of what college taught me including:

things I wish college had taught me

• How to buy AND wear heels: Both the wearing and the buying are equally important. Buying is crucial to wearing correctly and having never really needed to wear heels on a daily basis it turns out I had a lot to learn. They must be comfortable first and foremost and if they even pinch slightly, you're screwed. Learning to wear them was another problem because I have next to no posture. College really did the opposite of teaching me good posture. I have a desk slouch that is slowly being resolved into a proper office pin straight stature. I think the thing that freaked me out the most was being self conscious of the way when you wear heels you click loudly as you walk. Like, oh hey world, I'm wearing heels, listen to me take charge! At some point in the first week of my job I just learned to own the click. I began to like it? I think it was after I spoke up with a couple ideas for the first time and they were received warmly or in between completing my first routing phone call to a donor but after that, being self conscious was no longer a thing. I own that click now. And, uh, yes. i think dressing the part of your job is slightly important in the real world. Don't they say, "Dress for the job you want, not the one you have?" And, "Dress to impress?" Being surrounded by Uggs and hoodies did not teach me that.
• How to read a map: I know everyone has iPhones now so learning to use a map is of little need anymore, but in Seattle where hills are in abundance and sometimes people  don't just tell you the address of where you need to go, but give you a real physical map with a star. Also when you have to pick up invitations and run around the city, an iPhone may not tell you that you're going the wrong direction for many blocks. Physical maps hold importance. And I don't mean a map of Panama or Venezuela like in geography classes. No.  
• How to treat your bus drivers: Bus drivers are important! They get you to where you need to go on time! They will honk at construction workers for holding up a busload of people who need to catch a ferry and will even wait while you run across a parking lot with your heels in your hands because they know their passengers' schedules and don't want them to be late! So, it turns out that sometimes the city stare can be abolished in favor of a warm genuine smile and a, "How are you? Thank you so much for your time!" Thankfully I got started on this on the very first day I was here so that when I was running late on week two and he expected me to be there, he waited an extra minute until I arrived. *phew*
• How to ask questions: Sure, in college, you ask your professors and TA's questions. But guess what! There aren't textbooks in case you want to skirt around the awkward asking in the real world. And you waste a lot of time if you don't ask and sit dumbly at your desk. Sometimes there are answers that get left out or problems that happen that were totally unforseen and you JUST HAVE TO ASK. And guess what? Not scary, not scary at all. In fact, the better you are at asking immediately, the better it is because the next time it happens, it's a breeze. 

I'm learning more in a day than I learned in college in a week. It's crazy how fast it's all happening and how much more able I am every day at work to do what I couldn't the day before. 

Beechers on a Friday night with Nicole and Elanor!

I can tell you one thing for certain and that's that meeting up with fellow bloggers is something that never, ever gets old. And something special about this summer is that I have the chance to not only just "meet" a few, but hang out with them more than a few times which is such a rare and amazing opportunity. I got to finally meet Nicole over dinner with Elanor, who I met last fall, and it was the best Friday evening I could have asked for. We started with (wait for it) ... the BEST Mac & Cheese I've ever had (it is infamously named the best Mac & Cheese in Seattle so it's not just me) and then ran to my ferry where I ended up missing it. Um, hello opportunity to explore. So we did just that. And ended up in the Pioneer Square district, the oldest part of Seattle, saw many interesting people, and finished with getting matching ice cream cones in a shop with a stuffed bear that was quite seriously the creepiest stuffed anything I've seen.

This evening was so fun. Seattle timed its sunny weather for the perfect weekend. I might have worn tights, but I was ready to pull them off in a bathroom by lunchtime. I think I'm officially maybe putting them away for good. Maybe.

Also, aren't Nicole and Elanor just the prettiest girls you have ever seen?